here we go again :)

oh hello! seems like i haven't written anything on this blog for.. almost 1 year (the last post was on 26th of january 2011 and now it is 21st of january 2012.

well many things has happened in the past one year. my life is great, really great.
academic thing is still going fine, my band and my music career is superb, my band has just launched its first album, i'm still doing my wedding singer chores plus now recording for some project plus collaborating with my fellow musician. now i'm teaching violin plus owning an online cake shop, which gives me a considerable amount of cash :p

but when it comes to love. well i just can say that i'm still unfortunate.

lucky me, my past lover the 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' is totally gone right now.

it took me 3 years and 5 months, 6 stupid it's complicated status, 1 sincere yet heart wrenching telenovela-like relationship (that i suppose until now is my TRUE love), and 1 salvation + a bit foolish but sweet relationship (i suppose until now is my second candidate of true love and my first candidate of the MOST SINCERE relationship)
well it took that much effort to get rid of him, i think he put a spell on me :p

well, but now i want to tell you about my a bit foolish but sweet relationship, the second candidate of true love and the first candidate of the most sincere relationship.

well, it just has ended (approximately 3 hours ago)
It was really short (in my parameter), 2 months and 14 days. at first it was like a fairy tale but well, in the end it was not a fairy tale, but it taught me a loads of thing :)
i learn about compromise, commitment, understanding, patience and incredibly loads of thing in such a short time.

me and my ex were totally different in everything. i want a cinderella-like relationship, and he's (later on found out to be) as cold as an iceberg. i am an attention seeker + attention giver while he loves to spend his time alone, well a bit self centered sometimes. we have opposite personality, the old-fashioned cancer against the liberty loving aquarius. but we share (i believe up to now) one simple yet sweet sincere love.

he was the cute looking teddy bear guy, my band's friend introduced to me at Gedung Indonesia Menggugat Event. a good photographer and videographer with charming tone color, he really got the talent. a cute guy with a red shirt that shyly ask to take my picture at Kick Fest 2011. a cute guy that pretended to know about Hepatitis Viruses, PCR plus claiming that he love life science when he approach me.

the first month was easy and loving. but then.. it was not as easy as i thought. he began to give me less and less and less attention. being very ignorant and childish and stubborn. I first react as stubborn and bloody-minded as his attitude, i went mad, angry, and super emotional towards him. i scolded him and forbid him to do things that i dislike. i disturbed him by keep bbm/ym/texting him when he work or hang out until midnight with his friend.

but i really wanted the things to work well, to last. i changed my attitude totally. i became more understanding and more cautious. i seek for attention less, i tried to be more independent, stop being a crybaby and i let him to do anything he want. we had a quite difficult time but still loving.

and i went to a trip to Europe and things became irregular. i could see how he has lost the passion of loving me and missing me. i tried harder to salvage the sinking ship but he does nothing. and the entire last week, i was being emotional again, well, i was really desperate. but then finally we talked and it end.


a time apart is what we need right now.
Love is still there but the passion is currently missing.
i really appreciate him to be open and also to accept the fact that he did fatal mistakes to this relationship. i don't think many boy would do that due to their 'pride'
now, i don't have to have too much tiring thoughts about his everyday's ignorance like : 'kenapa ga bbm ya?' 'kenapa ya kok ngetweet tapi bbm aku ga dibalas?' 'kemana dia, kok aku ga dikabarin?' 'oh God, masih sayang ga ya ini orang sama aku kok lepas tangan sekali?'
and he's good to finally release me from that fatiguing thoughts by letting me free.

now i'm trying to understand that right now he need a time alone to develop himself to be a better man. at least, he has to be able to stand on his own feet before trying to be a man for his loved woman right?
i am a bit relieved that one big burden has been lifted up from my shoulder.

---


one thing i believe, that our love was sincere.
aparts from all of the differences, we've survived and we spent some happy time. and i learn about commitment from him. there were times when i am really tired of him, but then i know the relationship and the love for him is more important. so i changed my attitude and try to salvage it.
you can't expect those romantic love will last forever right? i guess, the time when i try to understand and fight more instead of being childish and ignorant is the time when i learn a sincere love, a more mature form of love :)


and i believe that always loving someone else sincere will bring you eventually to a sincere love in the end :) i don't know who will be there in the end, it might be him, it might be other guy. it's up to You, dear Allah :)
but you're always around i know. loving and giving affection not in a romantic way.


Dear Andi Syarif, for now, we may not walk together holding hands.
but we're walking together side by side.
if God permits maybe someday in the future you will again gently take my hand & never let it go!
and i'm asking you to sing this lyric out loud, i guess this part is our favorite!

'Berjalanlah bersamaku, berjalanlah bersamaku!'


with love


Afifa Ayu Koesoema, Marmut <3

2011♥

oh hey hello!
happy new year all~

actually i'm not good in writing new year's resolutions but it's kinda fun to write it, in my usual simple way. half for fun half for real :p
i mean, how can you garantee that person having a 'cool-super ambitious' new year's resolution will be able to fulfill it all?

okay, here's my so called resolution!

ACADEMIC
- having a good understanding of my major to be a great microbiologist (medical and food) :)
- having a good GPA (> 3,5, entering deanlist, yum yum!)
- somehow getting a scholarship for summer school somewhere this summer (let's try to find it! Rijksuniversiteit Nederland, i want to go there so much!)
- read more scientific journals about microbiology! (cmon cmon!)
- being able to start some kind of simple research on microbiology and start to create paper + submitting it somewhere (but i don't know how, help me :p)

MUSIC FOR SELF
- practice violin, singing, piano, and everything harder.
- learn music theory and music history more.
- learn improvisation wholeheartedly
- creating a music blog of my own, You Tube Channel + myspace.
- having a strict violin practice, no tolerance.
- following ABRSM theory exam grade 5 + practical exam, grade 6 or 7?
- learn to play flute or baby alto <3
- create more songs, be more creative, develop my own style :) and don't forget to record it and follow competitions!
- start teaching violin! :)

ANGSA DAN SERIGALA
- commit more commit more! and arrange more things, not only for the string section :)
- record the violin and string section part in our debut album excellently!
- hopefully this will be our year! bunch of performances, successful album, tours outside bandung, and maybe abroad? AMIIIN AMIIN AMIIN.


KLABKLASSIK STRING TRIO
- working more in various kind of events, and get more money hahahaa :D
- make a real portfolio and distributing it :)
- learn many kind of songs, enrichment in song banks and no more 'saying no to requests' at weddings XD

OTHER MUSIC PROJECTS
- being both open minded and also selective in filtering jobs, remember that i can't do it all but i still need loads of experiences :)

COOKING
- learn to cook more more recipe other than western and japanese :)
- being a pastry princess like Whitney Miller (haha, dreaming!) :D
- making my pastry business (cupcakes, cakes and all) serious and having my own little brand plus online store.
- making a proper cooking blog.

LOVE
- come what may, and that's all <3

SELF DEVELOPMENT
- try to be more grateful and get rid of my sh*tty inferiority syndrome! :)
- love myself more :3
- tweet less about unimportant things, bismillah! :p

whoa, this list is going so long, but well i love to write. And hopefully many of this so called resolutions will be fulfilled this year, amin :)


Loads of love,

Afifa Ayu

helloo!

wow, i haven't written anything in this blog for a long time, long long time.

well, hello! how are you all?

so, where have i been?
currently i'm playing double role as a real microbiology student and a part time musician while leaving my comfort zone away and finding a new comfort zone.



the picture was taken by my fellow microbiologist, robby ganesha, thank you robby!


i'm loving my role as a real microbiology student although it's driving me crazy and consume almost my entire brain to study biophysics, organic chemistry and analytical chemistry. and consume my time to be at the laboratory for hours and doing gazillions tasks (journal, experiment report, etc.) every weekend. plus i'm taking extra subject(my ambition to follow fast track program). but i'm loving it so much. i really think that this microbiology really suits me :) and just pray for me that i can be a good food/medical microbiologist! :)



pictures are taken from here, thank you agung! :)


i really love my role as a part time musician too. although it really took almost my whole spare time. i mean, if i'm not in the laboratory or campus then you have 90% chance to catch me at some random studio, practicing; at music school, studying music; at random gig, performing; or at random wedding or acoustic performance, working. it's tiring, although it doesn't consume brain as much as my study but i consume my energy a loads to perform well. not forget to mention about : late night performances which leave me sleepy at morning classes, performances outside town that will take my entire day and force me to bring my task thus doing it while waiting or even on road,
but i'm happy with this, with my angsa dan serigala, voice of june, klabklassik string trio, and some band that use me as an additional.

because as i have mentioned before, i'm leaving my comfort zone, really really leaving it to open my heart for a new comfort zone. and it doesn't feel nice and warm and secure. it's harsh, it's not safe, and it's still a probability to have a new comfort zone. meaning right now, i'm TRULY INDEPENDENT and as a person being independent really tortures me. and i'm using my double role to push away my thoughts from loneliness, inferiority syndromes, and stuffs.
:p

i have to be tough and magical, cause that's the way 'he' always see me :)

and who knows what will happen in the future? (quoting someone)

i'll talk to you later, now i have to catch up for my group presentation's experiment at 10 am. just wish me luck! and wish me luck for this weekend! (God please just give the best for me)



with loads of love
afifa ayu ♥

you'll be surprised to read this.

hello all, finally i cannot let this thing buried inside my head. i have a story for you all. and please read it carefully :)

i'm trying out a very main stream thing right now.. which is OSJUR. hahaa. yesterday the seniors interviewed us, they also ask me for my Curriculum Vitae and they also give us some personality test.
and yesterday they ask me, "what do you think about an anti social person?"

hahaha, i guess they're asking this question into the wrong person. since i know, some people labels me as an antisocial. but whatever, i really have to ignore their thoughts.
do they pay for your tuition? NO.
do they care for you when you are down? NO.
do they know you exactly? NO.
have i ever tried to interfere them? NO.

so why should i care?

i'm very sorry , but i think that people that label a person as an anti social has a shallow mind. you can't expect anyone to be like you, God make everyone to be different, and if someone's different from you, why should you take a really big deal of it?

if you think that i am an antisocial, ok that's ok. you can say that i am arrogant etc. but i really have to say that i have another responsibilities out there and priority list. if i can come into a gathering then i will come. but my responsibilities have been built 2 years before i enter ITB, if my responsibilty clash with gathering etc. then i will have to choose my responsibility.

you can say, that i only have an indie band. but no matter how small is my band, i want to be give my dedication fully. maybe we are only an indie band but we're serious. we have vision and mission. if you say being an indie band member is not a big deal, it is a big deal for me. no matter how small the scope is, if you're serious then someday better things will come to you, insya Allah.

and it's tiring too of course. maybe you think that practicing 2 hours in studio is not a big deal. but it's sometimes tiring, especially when after that you still have to study until 10 pm at home. and wake up again at 4 am to study more. and checksound? it takes my time too, i bring books to be read while waiting because you will not know how long it will take. and recording? one shift equals 6 hours, and your time to take your playing will only be about 1 hours, the rest of the time? i usually bring books, again to read. and the performance? when you come on stage you have to smile, you have to play whole heartedly, you have to smile, you have to be cheery. when you have big troubles or your body is sick you still have to play like that. there's no excuse, in stage you have to look incredibly nice for the audiences. because sometimes they pay to see you, they have give their time to see you. and the only way to appreciate it is to give the best service for them.


and my other business as a wedding musician. i really love it. and although it's still a small one it's evolving. i have to practice and play as best as i can. you will not be happy if the musician's in your wedding is playing sucks. you will also be unhappy if you attend a wedding with a bad singer.

and also my own study. MY PARENT HAS GIVEN ME ALL THE BEST. good schools, paying for my expensive school and university tuition. they gave me english course that costs 400000IDR a month for my future. they paid my USM and all of those stuffs before i enter ITB, like entering Bimbingan Belajar Daniel. they have bought me all the original book. they also let me photocopied all of those heavy book per chapter so i can bring only the chapter that i need for one day because they don't want me to carry those heavy things with my small body. they have gave me music course to stabilize my right and left brain.

they provide me driver to go to school and a car, later on if i can drive properly. if i ask money from them, they will give it without asking, sometimes more then what i need. hopefully now, for everyday's life like lunch in campus, buying stationary, buying my unimportant things (like dress, jewelry, felt markers, and fancies)i already can afford it myself. i know how hard is it to work, to get money. so i try to manage my own money as good as i can. i'm saving it in my bank, i bring snacks to campus so i don't have to buy unimportant meals (which is sometimes doesn't contain good nutrition too)
i think that there's NO NO NO EXCUSE FOR ME TO HAVE A BAD GPA.
there's NO EXCUSE FOR ME NOT TO FINISH MY UNIVERSITY IN 4-4,5 YEARS.
there's NO EXCUSE FOR ME NOT TO ATTEND A SUMMER SCHOOL OR NOT TO GET A SCHOLARSHIP.

the only thing that you can do for your parent is to make them proud. they contribution to you is ultimate. you should think about your parent first, before you think about some social group.

and i try to help mom at home. i try to go home early so that i can help her doing something. nowadays, it's rather hard for me. since i have my indie band, another band, and my job. so whenever i have a free time, well family must come first.

for me it's not the time to playing around, i have to stick to my plan. to be focus. i'm living in a pressure cooker, but i don't care.


hm, that's for my case.

the point is, a person has reason for them to be rather inactive in one social group. maybe they have a different burden than you. for my case, my burden is from the beginning all of my own choices.
but what if they have no choices?

maybe they have to earn their own money for they school tuition? we don't know about that.
maybe their parent is super strict and demanding them for a good GPA, to get a scholarship, to ? we don't know about that.
maybe they have to take care of their smaller siblings? we don't know about that.
maybe their mother is sick and they have to be at their mother's side? we don't know about that.
or maybe they just have another passion like me?


so please please please.
why you all have to be like "OK LET'S ELIMINATE THE ANTISOCIALS!"
or sending things in twitters plurks etc. "THE ANTISOCIALS IS MAKING BURDEN FOR OUR CLASSYEAR, THEY DON'T CONTRIBUTE AT ALL. THEY WILL REGRET THEIR ATTITUDE!"

we the antisocials (on your perspective)never want to eliminate you.
please please please just live in harmony.

if we're not disturbing you then why you have to disturb me?
personally you see, if i can come to one gathering then i'll come, i'll help.


please respect each other, we're just the same. we're just a human.


writing down in the behalf of the "so called-antisocials"


Afifa Ayu

ok!

ok, i'm not afraid. go on and say bad things about me. let's just see what will happen next.

pray for me!

haha. here we go again. welcome to my hectic life :D

okay.
next week i will have physics quiz. and maybe tons of homework and i need extra concentration in class to perform well.

and i have just found a competition of online video music contest, named battle of the songs with deadline of 2 october 2009. and you know what? i will follow that :p

ok, crazy.
well at first, mom saw it at telkomsel.com and she told me to follow it (of course she did :D)

i read the announcement carefully.
i was very positive to follow. i have the song, i only have to record it, have it edited, and zoom, send it to jakarta.

but then.
they need not only the music but also video clip of the song!!

at first i thought it would be impossible. i was like rrrrr -i cannot make a video clip, and who will make it for me?- and rrrr -making video clip? who would be the model? what would the scenes all about?

but well, God showed me the way :)
mas ammy and mas zaki helped me and giving me some basic clue about how to make a video clip and who can make it for you.
kak angkuy also suggested his friend, isha, the one who made bottlesmoker's videoclip.

and after loads of discussion.

with helped of kak isha i would make a video clip of one of my song.

i would record the music on tuesday.
and i would make the video clip on thursday. gotta skip classes though, but well, it might be my one and only attempt to feel how it's like to ditch the class in ITB first year :p hope that later on i would not be sick so my absent would still be 99.99% LOL

and hopefully, on friday morning. zoom it would be delivered to jakarta. amen.


:D

well, very thrilling.
:D

memang gak rame ikut lomba kalo gak mepet deadline HAHAHA

LOL :)

pray for me please :)

*for those who want to follow my "courage" to follow this competition please just go here for details :)

that's why God make women to deliver babies :)

You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused
That nobody understands you
(you're so gay-katy perry)

sometimes i'm really sick seeing my friend (all of them are guys)
who are very weak and desperate and helpless. and well, EMO and SAD.
ok, let me elaborate.

i met one at one of the so-called popular website.
all of the things that the guy talked about was about his weakness. he kept whining all the time. about the fact that he was not a good university graduate but he wanted so bad to 'help' his parent. but he was only complaining all the time, mopping around, and blame his 'not a good university graduate' thingy as the major cause of his not getting a proper job.
ok that was one.

the second one, was friend also, but not that close.
blaming that his family was messed up. his parent was not very warm and communicative. he acted so mean everyday. he never cares about other people's feeling and speaks mean thing hurting other people.
ok, that's one case and still tolerable.

how about double case?
there was a guy much more worse than that. ok, point out that he has a messed up family. and sometimes he said mean things and he didn't have any politeness. but the thing was that guy never moves on and seems to be hinder by all of his surroundings.

and the worst part is when that guy said that..

someone is an over achiever and that's normal because that someone's family is so damn warm, normal, and stinking rich.

GEEZ.

get a life won't you? everyone can achieve something if they really want to work hard. it doesn't mean that if your parent has failed to build your personality and stuffs you have to live forever with that personality. i mean, you can learn you can study you can adapt good things from your surroundings to be better.


ok and then he went on that it's pretty much normal if that someone have so many knowledge because that someone's parent always buy them books, and encyclopedias at kinokuniya, qb world, aksara, periplus or just somewhere overseas.


but well hello, this is 21th century. book store with prices over 200thousands IDR is not the only source of knowledge. go to library or download e-books on internet. if you have time to blab around at forum that means that you're able to afford internet also and why don't you use that time and opportunity to download something that can make you a bit brainy?


i don't know what's wrong with some guys lately.
it seems like some guys would prefer to blame their surroundings if something go wrong. and they're just too lazy to be true. they are trapped inside and rather than fixing and improving themselves, blaming and hurting other people seems to be their main activities. geez.

instead of learning to do better, they seem to be more comfortable to think that their failure is understandable due to their messed up family, their peer pressured experience, their lack of education, their physical inability or whatever.


i just think that some guys can be such a sissy sometimes.
and that's really making me sick -_-

women sometimes are much more tougher than men. girl whose parent divorced still can get good grades at school and university. girl who suffers from near death experience and brain death for a few seconds can still life and strive until now(okay, that's me-if i want to be emo, i really have stocks of emo stories of life) ok, girl who suffer from dangerous disease that makes her unable to be exposed by direct sunlight still have spirit to be creative and although it's hard she's still working so hard.

i can conclude that if women and men are exposed to a bad surroundings, men tend to blame the thing and women tend to strive and be better.

maybe this is the reason why God make women not men who suffers from extreme pain and near death situation when they're delivering their babies.
altogether with their nurturing hand and also their great power and spirit to strive, that's true that behind one great man would most probably a one great woman.

i'm proud and happy to be a woman, and i'll always work hard to be a good woman, someday :)


*well, mind the strange ending. it's a bit off topic, but don't blame me, i've had fever and my mind's jumping around everywhere LOL :p

a cinderella costumed-afifa♥

prom nine!
ok tonight :)
THE prom night. something that mia thermopolis from the princess diaries serial just really can't wait (for the sake of giving each other's precious gift with michael thermopolis LOL-argh, i haven't read the latest edition. will they be together again? but i vote for J.P. more ^^)

well, me? for the sake of using my cute cinderella gown, i can't wait for tonight too.
but wait, why did i choose to be a cinderella?
i didn't mean to really imitate cinderella, actually. i has the gown. better than cutting off my salary and use it to make another dress, i would prefer something available. some of my friend said that wearing costume is imitating characters and it means that you're not being yourself.,

but i think, clothes is just an outer crust of someone. i'm not being cinderella. but i'm being afifa that wears cinderella costume. and i think i want to look like a princess sometimes. ok, this is silly. but i think every girl has this obsession (at least when they were just a child) an obsession to become pretty and beautiful, wearing fancy dress and attending ball dance :) if you don't have it, no hard feelings. LOL.
and i also want to emphasize that everyone can be beautiful with a beautiful dress and a sincere heart :) you'll never find a princess in a fairy tale like me, but today i'm being a one day princess :) a cinderella costumed afifa :)

and oh well, this is my prom (and this is my smashing argument and my team split-oh, i miss english debating-) and it's everybody's right to wear anything to express themselves.
i choose to express myself with this princess dress. i don't want to reflect ONLY an outer beauty of a fairy tale princess, the thing that i really want to express is their sincere and beautiful heart.

i hope that i also have that, as a cinderella costumed-afifa :)
everybody can be a princess. everybody can always wear a crown and tiara. every girl is beautiful :)
and i know i always be my dad's little princess :D LOL. (though now maybe i'm a bit too old for the word 'little princess' i'm almost 18, geez)


ah, and now checklist!
cinderella gown (checked)
tiara (checked)
blue velvet choker (checked)
hand gloves (checked)
high heels (checked)
clutch bag (ah,still have to find it)
sincere heart (checked checked. this is the most important thing!)


i'll go to the salon at 3.30 pm, to do the make up (i want it to be simple and elegant) and the hair do (just like cinderella's hair)
i'll go to the prom with rudini. he'll be a korean prince costumed-rudini. LOL. we'll have loads of fun~ let's enjoy prom NINE guys, this is our once in a life time experienced! :)


*hope that it won't be too tiring. coz tomorrow i have to be my brother's "soundgirl" in his performance at his school. and also i'll have angsa's recording session :)

i'm happy. and i'm sincere.
i'm princess afifa (rofl)

thanks all♥

time to fight :]

hello all! :)
i'm sorry for not updating this blog for 4 days(or maybe more) i've been quite busy lately.
i really want to optimize this holiday. and i have quite a lot of projects to be done.

1. making 2 songs for "satu atap" comic soundtrack
yeah. comic soundtrack. maybe some of you are feeling weird with the word 'comic soundtrack' but my sister's comic will be brought up by gramedia. the comic title is satu atap. well, i'm not gonna tell you the story here, because it'd be spoiler.
and my sister need someone to make the comic sooundtrack song. the comic soundtrack song will be related to the comic and will be used for the promotion process. and stuffs.
that's quite a good deal for me :) my sister asks for 2 songs, happy and slow. i'm currently working on the happy song. after everything's done, we'll have to do the recording stuffs.

the music format will be vocal (me), piano (my sister), violin 1&2(me), viola (my sister), cello (my sister's boyfriend), drum set or maybe maracas is enough(maybe my brother LOL), and... GLOCKENSPIEL (everyone wants to play glockenspiel and i'm really obsessed to make a song with a touch of glockenspiel. it's so sweet and dreamy!)
i'll have to buy glockenspiel. or maybe i'll lend to kak angkuy hahaha.


2. angsa dan serigala's recording session
recording two songs.. and i'm not gonna tell you what song that we'll be recording, cause it'll also be a spoiler. the recording will take place at ujung berung, 2 whole days. i'm so excited :)

3. and well, performances
as usual angsa dan serigala's performances at the end of the month, klabklassik string trio performance at some international seminar for three days next week, musik sore klabklassik, ririungan gitar bandung (seems like i'm gonna play guitar again yippie) and many more.

4. while i have to practice for my ABRSM sixth grade music examination PLUS music theory examination.

5. and i have to read a bit about microbiology, biodiversity and stuffs.
i don't wanna be retarded in School of Life Sciences and Techonology ITB in next august :)

6. and i have to learn to drive a car to get my driver's license.

7. Lomba Cipta Lagu Perlindungan Lapisan Ozon from Kementrian Negara Lingkungan Hidup.
thanks for mba putri to give me the news of this competition. i'll try to follow this competition as well. i have to do many practices. and this competition will be one of the practice for me to be a great composer someday (amin!) and well, fyi the price is 15 million (IF YOU WIN) and your song's copyright will be taken by the ministry. and the competition requires us to write the partitur also. well -_- but it's really still worth trying, although i'm not really expecting myself to win. but i have to try :)


and that's all (hopefully)
i'll be very busy and tired for sure. but that's worth it.
i have to be a super creative and succesful girl.
thanks God for all of your bless :)
just pray for me and leave supportive words on the comment box LOL :)
gotta catch all of my dreams up in the sky!

and right now i'm as bright and happy like this YIPPIE! time to reach my dreams!

Liebe!♥

p.s : two weeks from now i'll be 18! :) and today is special :)

musical imagination..

have you ever wondered why beethoven's most brilliant composition appeared years after he had been completely deaf?

there's something called musical imagination.
assume that you're someone with an extraordinary musical imagination. picture yourself sitting still at your living room in a warm afternoon. and suddenly a melody or an orchestra suddenly play inside your room. you're not listening to a tv or radio. but that melody suddenly appears in your mind. you're not exactly hearing it, but your imagining it.
as an extreme example, take beethoven. when he had been completely deaf, his auditory lobe of his brain was not divided anymore to hear sounds and to imagine sounds. that made his auditory lobe even more sensitive to this musical imagination.
and melodies, rhythms, accompaniment start to pop in his head.

really you don't have to hear things to make music. if you have great ability on musical imagination.


some might only imagine music playing inside his head. maybe from music sheet or music that they have heard.
some might imagine simple melodies and frames.
and some might have an orchestra playing (his own beyond consciousness) symphony or concerto.
some might feel that imaging music before concerts and stuffs (mental practice) feels almost the same as physical practice, and almost as beneficial as physical practice.


whew.
it's such a great gift that God gives to them.
that's also explain why people who don't read musical note and even understand it can make a great song. great melodies, patterns, and rhythms keep popping in their head.



for me?
well. maybe i only have a little of this ability.
i can imagine melodies in my head. but i have to think it before. it doesn't appear by itself.
maybe this ability will surely help you on creating songs and composing and arranging songs.
but.. i have to be grateful for the things that God have given to me.

and keep struggling to create new fresh songs that you'll like!
:)

how life is still too diverse for me.

how life is still too diverse for me.

i'll fly away.

17 almost 18 years old.

yes i'm still young, very young.
frankly, i cannot say "yes" when i have to be commit 1oo% for something. even if i love that thing so much.

i even haven't STARTED university yet.
whatever happens, having (at least) bachelor degree. for me it's a must. music industry sometimes fluctuate. and i think that having back ups is very important. i love music very much, it's the thing that i love the most, actually.
i cannot let my parent down. they have given me good education and facilities. and they have paid so much for my university and i really think that i have to be exceptionally good at my study, like my sisters. i still have dream to be a biologist. taking master degree or maybe doctoral degree. i still want to take exchange program.

in the meantime, music is still have to be number two for me.
but i don't know what will happen 5 years or 7 years from now, maybe i will dedicated my life fully on music.
but for now, music is still a part time job for me .


besides, i still need to find my music.
i love violin, yes i really do. and i do love to sing also.
i love playing at my band as well, while playing at orchestras is also my passion. playing here and there with my klabklassik string trio is still something that i really love. playing as a soloist is still preferable. and playing as wedding entertainment is something that i've just started.
i love folk, i like classical music. i love pop songs. i kinda like rock sometimes.

for me music is still so DIVERSE.
and i think right now it is the time for me to open up myself for everything. it is the time for me to learn anything available. play everywhere. searching for friends and connections.
and my violin playing is still, well, not very distinctive. rather flat. still copying my senior's style.
i still haven't found my soul. i still have so many things to learn. i still have to finished my classical study. i still have to develop my skill. i still want to learn another genre, such as jazz, blues, etc.

the future is still too blurry for me.
the entire world is still too enermous for me.
the pathway of my life is still so long.


it's still the time for me to fly with my little wings everywhere. searching for the right future for me :)

and someday finally i'll stop flying.
someday when i finally reach my final destination.
someday when i finally reach my future!

". apapun posisi aku sekarang, kalau memang rezeki dan jodoh, pasti gak akan kemana, pasti aku akan tetap bersama kalian sampai akhir nanti."

AMIN YA ALLAH!

but now i'll fly a bit.
searching for my future.
adventuring in this big world.
flying beneath the big and dainty sky in front of me.
reaching all of my dreams!



p.s. : i'm sorry for being self centered. thanks for your understanding, i really do love you all a lot. let's pray and work hard together for US!
thanks for being the PART of my life guys :)

i believe.that :

: success will come to those who wait. i will not hesitate to focus on one thing, right now it's my time to learn anything , try everything, and develop myself.

long way to go..

i hope that for now this is the best. i still have a very long way to go.
still so many options to be chosen.

more detail post will be posted tomorrow.

wishes

hell-o! :)

let me give you a light post about my wishes.

university.
♥ graduating from microbiology ITB at 3,5/4 years with cum-laude result
♥ frequently attending microbiology conference in indonesia and overseas.
♥ taking summer school/other short exchange program abroad.
♥becoming a lecturer assistant.
♥ directly continue my study to take master degree on music abroad or biomedical engineering at itb/abroad.
♥ being active at ITB Student Orchestra, Student English Forum ITB, and APRES! ITB also AFS Bandung.


music.
♥ finishing grade 8 of ABRSM violin examination by the time that i get my bachelor degree.
♥ my lovely band angsadanserigala to be a great indie band like 4peniti or cozy street corner (it doesn't have to be major label) has our own album+video clips, etc.
♥ having my own album consist of my own song(bumi, rindu, lullaby, and many more hha) i know this seems to be impossible but i will try.
♥ being a good violin teacher and having my own music school.
♥ being a good seriosa or pop singer.
♥ having my own classical violin recital.
♥ being a member of professional orchestra (such as twilite orchestra, NSO, etc.)
♥ being an inspirational violinist like mas ammy :)


love.
♥ marrying (someday) my prince (will come) at 2015.
♥ being a good housewife who teaches biology at ITB, teaches violin at her own studio home, and performing here and there with her band, and professional orchestra, etc.
♥ living with (someday) my prince (will come) at kota baru parahyangan and having twin babies (girl and boy) :)


AMIN!


what a dream!

mencapai bintangku ♥

...

kulihat, malam terbentang..
berhiaskan, sribu bintang..

diantara bintang yang bersinar
satu pasti milikku,
walau jauh dan tak terbatas,
pastilah diriku mampu

doa dan restumu bagaikan seribu sayap
menghantarku membumbungku,
terbang melayang,
meraih bintang yang bersinar di langit tinggi,
mencapai bintangku

pasti akan kugapai, cita-cita

kerlipmu mengajakku terbang
menggapai, cita masa depan..

...

lagu judulnya mencapai bintangku, aku lupa siapa yang nyanyi. dulu aku nyanyiin lagu ini pas kelas 1 SMA. buat nampil sama ASC. waktu itu emang belum kerasa maknanya. tapi sekarang, saat gak sengaja shuffle winampku mainin lagu ini.

aku merasa yakin, pasti aku juga bisa menggapai cita-cita :)

ayo ah, semaangat meraih cita-cita!

*Liebe

little star :)

everyone around me is so shining and sparkling.

..

i started everything with baby steps.

i don't have any connection to the music world at all. my family just love music and they want their children to learn music. so i started it with piano and then violin, vocal, guitar. and everything. i learnt everything slowly and slowly. and suddenly this world has became a big part of my life. i really love music.
loads of things happened. loads of far more greater people than me that i met. loads of things that i experienced. happy. sad. depressed. excited. overjoyed. misery. jealousy.

but i keep on playing my little violin more and more.

i'm not a brilliant classical player. well, i never learnt classical violin properly, though.
i'm not having a great classical recital at erasmus huis or ccf or some place else.
i'm not performing in a magnificent big show in national or international scope like others.
i'm independent. i don't have great connection in music. i always look for my job and performance by myself. and i never want to miss even just one performance, every performance is meaningful for me. no matter how small the scope is.
i don't play on tv and be recognized by the whole country or being a member of a major label band. in fact i'm just someone that you might recognized from stage to stage, as a indie player.
people don't say that i'm a musical genius in a youth age, i have lack knowledge of music theory etc. in fact i've only finished my 5th grade of classical examination.
i'm not like my extravagant juniors. with lots of talent, lots of instrument that they masterized, lots of music style that they play, and good family reputation in music.

...

BUT i'm sure.
i'm also a little star shining out there.

i'm shining. maybe i'm not that big and bright. but slowly but sure i know that this little star will give you all the light and music that will make you all smile and feeling cheery and warm ;)
i will keep striving to be a big star.
although now i'm just an ordinary girl, i iwll evolve someday into a big and respectable star ;)

....

thank you for Dear GOD, i'm thankful of what you always gave to me.
thank you for my FAMILY; mom, papa, mbak al, mbak zisa, ilham, de lilly and others. for supporting me this whole 17 years.and teach me how to deal with my inferiority syndrome.
thank you for MR.TIGGER and my other best friend; who always love me just the way i am. and be proud of me just the way i am.
thank you for my music teachers MAS AMMY, PAK OERIP, OM ABI, and PAK KHRISNAN; without your presence i will not be able to express myself through music like i'm doing now.
...
thank you for my dear band, ANGSA&SERIGALA;kak aji,teh mega,kak danny, kak ardit, kang jack, kak angkuy,kak poppy,kak irwan,kak hamdan, i never felt this sense of togetherness before. this is really the place that i learn to play music with heart :)
thank you for my dear KLABKLASIK STRING TRIO; mbak zisa, mas syarif. what an experiece that i gained from this trio. especially when you all succeed to push me to sing :)
thank you for my TWILITE YOUTH ORCHESTRA; especially putri, astari, sara, bayu. this is eventually the place that i learn classical music properly and have fun too! :)
thank you ITB STUDENT ORCHESTRA; yaay finally i'll be a legal member of ISO :)

and well well. thank you all :)


...

i might be playing simple song with simple appearence.
but i have to be proud of what am i.
and i'll keep struggling to shine even more than before :)
and play a music that can amuse others :)
just pray for me, OK?


*Liebe!