-_-

ah, i don't usually feel this kind of emotion since i was errr.. in the middle school?


but now, comparing myself to a community that soon i will enter. well, i'm feeling a bit sad.
but now it's ok to write my feelings here.
since tomorrow is holiday and i've been working non stop since last week, i hardly touch this blog or just spending my time playing internet.
so i will write now.


i cannot consider myself as "kawaii"

my body is small. but i'm not that slim and petite. also my skin is not that bright.
i have some extra cute clothes but still generally i wear something a bit dark or pastelle colored.
since i was a little, people rarely say that i'm beautiful. they'd rather call me witty or dilligent.
some people told me that i'm cute. but my best friends who know me well, would say that i have inner beauty.
i am trying to be as fashionable as i can everyday. but some people are born beautiful and attractive.
i am a singer, i think i'm developing. but i'm not attractive, though. i don't dance while singing.
i am an instrument player of a folk rock band. and that's really not kawaii. i wear dark clothes everytime i play. and my make up is not cute. and since my band is a folk rock band we do not dance cutely.

everyday i try to dress and be a beautiful girl.
everytime i try to smile to the camera and be a pretty girl.
but i'm still a geek, like i used to be.



please forgive me. for this so unimportant post.


sometimes i wish God did not create someone that beautiful.